I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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