Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize