Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
