you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
