i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
