watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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