i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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