she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
