There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
