I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
