oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
