He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
