loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
COCAINE IS GR8
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
