Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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