butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
