Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
