He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
