Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize