Nicole vs. Life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
