dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
