do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
