One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
