as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
