so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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