Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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