The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
