He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
