READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
