I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
