Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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