I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
