Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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