So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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