you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
