i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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