Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
