Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize