you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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