with your own penis?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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