I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
