My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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