shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
