I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
