Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
