Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize