Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
