She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
