Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
