If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
