so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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