I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
