Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
