note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
