FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
