How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
