I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
