I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
