He asked to "fluff my boner.."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
