I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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