i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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