You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
