they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
