she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
