where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
