god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
