..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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