Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
