nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
