Church boner. Awkwardddd
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
