Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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