I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
