I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
