i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
