and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
