we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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