I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
