who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
