If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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